I have to say I never thought it would come to this.
I feel degraded and deflated after a tough week at work, but I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I know it is only going to get worse.
As a junior designer I expected to have to wade through a lot of mess to get to the next level, but after 18 months of wading and digging through admin and unchallenging tasks, I am losing the will to keep going. After expressing my concerns over my development within the company, especially my design skills and creative development I was assured that things would get better - but I feel like I am at the end of my tether. I feel like I am being pushed out of the company. Having hired a junior freelancer to "help me out" I'm being sidelined and forgotten under my pile of undesirable jobs.
To put this in perspective, I was on placement at this design studio 2 years ago. I feel like I have barely developed in my design and creativity since then due to a sheer lack of opportunity. I don't understand why our company doesn't reward its permanent staff. If you read my post: Freelance Envy, you'll know that unusually for our industry, our company saves all the interesting, creatively challenging and rewarding work for the freelancers - who also get showered with money due to their extortionate day rates. When the freelancer goes, they leave the project with us and we are there to pick up the pieces. I am tired of not being rewarded for my hard work. I don't understand the logic. If you don't train your staff and allow them to creatively develop how can they move up to the next level? If you employ above them and prioritise freelancers, how can they respect you? What is my reward for working hard? How can I develop?
I understand that every junior has to do jobs they don't want to do, but I don't feel like I am anything more than the placement I was 2 years ago. I am not getting any job satisfaction and if I am not careful I will leave this job with nothing to show for my time there. It will have been a waste of 2 years and after all this hard work I really hope things get better. My enthusiasm for this career is at an all time low.